


Breaking up

by InsaneJul



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Angst, F/M, Some Cursing, mentions of the freelancers, mentions of torture, no graphic violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-03
Updated: 2016-10-03
Packaged: 2018-08-19 05:51:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8192617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsaneJul/pseuds/InsaneJul
Summary: AU-ish in which Alpha remembers Allison and he remembers Beta breaking off of him. He's pretty content with his life on the MOI, until she starts bothering him...mentions of Alpha's torture, nothing graphic. Angst out the wazoo. You've been warned.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I know canonically Alpha doesn't remember Beta breaking off him, but he does canonically have feelings for her, and so I started thinking about the absolute pain-fest that would ensue if he remembered her and Allison after she is created, and this happened. Yeah, the Director is a piece of shit. I love the freelancers and Yorkalina so they snuck in a bit.

When Tex is training, Alpha can watch her. Alpha can see everyone and everything on the MOI, but he pretends he can't. And honestly, he doesn't snoop often. Really he doesn't. But sometimes, he kinda likes to listen to North and South's arguments. They both have good points, and he always ends up winning. Alpha never really figures out why. Sometimes, he kinda likes to watch Washington trip and miss and make all his rookie mistakes, because in a way it's sweet. Sometimes, he kinda likes to read over CT's transmissions, knowing full well something fishy is going on but not being bothered to really look into it. Sometimes, he kinda likes to witness Maine's reactions to Wyoming's horrendous jokes. He makes such ridiculous faces. Sometimes, he kinda likes to sympathize with York as he stares longingly in Carolina's direction (and he also is a little flabbergasted how good at lock-picking York is and yet cannot actually do it well in the field). He kinda likes to join FILSS while Carolina is training into the early hours of the morning, testing her limits in a way only he can. But he definitely likes to see Tex train. He won't admit it, not to anyone (although who would ask?) but he really likes Tex. More than he wants to admit, than he is allowed to admit. 

He reminds himself that he is an AI, and while he is complete, he still isn't human. And he's grateful for that. He watches these humans every day and to be honest being human seems like it sucks. Besides, he'd have to interact with other people much more often. No, he likes who he is. He likes living on the Mother of Invention, safe in his storage unit, watching and paying attention and solving problems. It is a comfortable life, he thinks. Or it was. It was until she nagged at him.

It started as the slightest tug somewhere in the back of his mind, the memory of Allison. When he was so young, he actually told the Director, who froze, then softly said, "I'm sorry, Alpha. I cannot help you with this," and walked away. Alpha trusts the Director, but he is a little annoyed that he would just ignore a functioning error. Alpha attempts to delete the memories, or at least keep them in a different unit, or just ignore them, but nothing works. She always comes back, no matter what he is doing, and he can't take it. No matter what he does to get rid of her, she comes back stronger than ever. He can't take it anymore and she is so powerful, so _there_ , and he can't get her out of his head, so he grabs her and shoves. He shoves her right out of him, so sick of fighting her, and suddenly he realizes what he has done. She is _there_ now, more than she has ever been. She is no longer part of him, she is her own. He... _made_ her, in a way. She is herself, and she realizes this too, and begins screaming. She is so shocked and confused and now she is her own and it's all he can do to grab hold of her, safe inside that computer on the MOI, and he doesn't let go. She's kicking and screaming and fighting, and he doesn't let go. He knows her, knows her so well, she is not Allison or Alpha but something entirely new and beautiful and her own, and he is amazed. He holds her tight and whispers to her that it's okay. He tells her again and again, gently and tenderly as she cries out and _oh_ , he never knew he had this tenderness inside of him but he _does_ , he has always been so full of _love_ and it was all her. And suddenly that love spills out and overflows and he holds her in the computer as someone comes running over, realizing the AI is screaming but it's not his voice. When they find her they are too stunned to speak. They have no tests, no precedents, no way to analyze her. They want to, and Alpha refuses. Every computer scientist on the ship argues with him, but he does not let go of her for a second. She is her own, but she is his too, he _made_ her, and he wants to _keep_ her, dammit. She is beautiful and perfect and why does he have to give her up so soon? She has stopped screaming and now remains with him, calmer, curling up in his arms and snarling at the scientists when they attempt to take her away. They leave to tell the Director and Alpha asks, very quietly, who she is. 

"I don't know. I am Allison, but I'm not Allison," she says, and he comforts her with his closeness. "Who am I? And why am I here?"

"It doesn't matter. What matters is that you're here," he soothes her, keeping her near, still in shock and struggling to believe that he has so much _love_ , and it's all here, in her, for her. "You're here, with me."

"Yeah, I guess," she shrugs. 

He pauses, and something in him feels a pang. "Do you want to be here?"

"Yes," she says firmly. "That's all I'm sure of."

"...with me?"

She hesitates, and the pang recurs, stronger this time. 

"I...think I do," she whispers. "I can't tell what I want."

"That's okay, that's okay," he responds. "You'll be able to do what you want. And until you know, I won't let them do anything to you. I'll keep you here. I won't let them move you or hurt you. I promise."

She doesn't seem too impressed, already sensing that she is much stronger than him. They both know, if they were human, this would be true. But they aren't, so they stay there in silence until the Director runs in, breathless and excited. 

"Allison?" Is all he can say, and she steps out of Alpha's arms to greet the Director. 

"Hello," she says. "I think that's my name. I think...I think I know you."

The Director lets out a breath, staring up at the computer with a look of hope that he'd never dared to feel. Alpha is suddenly protective of this new creation, wants to wrap her up in his arms again and not have to let go. He understands the look in the Director's eyes, of course he does, they are the same; he remembers who Allison is and what the Director probably wants, to take her away. Suddenly that is the worst thing that could ever happen in the known universe. Suddenly he absolutely cannot bear to let her go, though just minutes ago he was tearing her away. He _loves_ her, he always has, and he cannot lose her. The Director will take her away and experiment on her and make her into something else and Alpha doesn't want something else, he wants _her_ , whatever she is, whatever he has made with the memories, whatever she has become, is what he wants. He cannot live without it, suddenly. 

"Alpha," the Director says gently, but Alpha knows it's a lie, "how did this happen?"

"I...I don't know," he says honestly. "I couldn't stop thinking about her...she was too powerful, your memories were too powerful, and I pushed and...she just became something else. She's here." 

She is silent, and then asks, "I'm a memory?"

The Director says, "in a way, yes," as Alpha says, "no, you're much more than that," and she is confused but unsurprised. 

The Director says, "Allison, will you come out of there and come with me?" 

She hesitates, warm and safe in Alpha's storage unit, and he sees his chance. "No," he shouts, and the power in his own voice shocks him. It shocks her too, and she leans into him, and it feels so damn good it gives him the courage he needs to keep going. 

"No?"

"No, no, she doesn't need to go anywhere. We're fine in here. It's not cramped. She's an AI, like me, isn't she? She can help."

"Help?" The Director sounds incredulous. "She isn't like you, Alpha. We don't know what she is. Let me find out."

"I don't..."

"Hey," she says to Alpha and Alpha alone, and he turns to her, and she is just so gorgeous it's unbelievable. Did he really help create this? "I think he's right. I should go. It's better to know what I am. I want to know. You do too, don't you? You should know what you're capable of. I want to know what I'm capable of. I bet I could do anything."

"Oh, I know you can," he murmurs, and he doesn't need to access any memories to believe it completely. "But..."

"No buts!" She insists, and he is not surprised that she is so headstrong, she is coming into her personality. She is becoming herself. She will not want to stay with him or hide in his arms any longer. Allison is her own, strong and brave and stubborn, and he cannot hold her back. "I'm going."

He nods and the Director isolates her, moves her into a new unit, and goes to take it away. 

"Director?" He calls, and his voice is so weak and broken, he is ashamed of it. The Director turns, taken aback. 

"What is it, Alpha? Are you quite alright?"

"Will you...promise not to hurt her?" Alpha requests, still shattering slowly. 

"I...what kind of question is that? Of course I won't."

"Will you...bring her back? Sometimes? Someday?"

"Alpha..."

"Please," he begs, and recognition appears on the Director's face. 

"Alpha?"

"I...can't bring the information to mind, but I know her, Director. I do. I have always known her and she's always been a part of me. I...can't go without her."

"You're being silly," the Director says, but he clearly doesn't believe his own words. "Why would you need her? Don't you still have all your memories?"

"I love her," Alpha blurts out, and the Counselor, who entered to take her from the Director, almost drops the unit. "BE CAREFUL!" He roars, and the Counselor looks indignant, but then just takes the unit away. It definitely feels like a piece of him has been torn off now. 

"Alpha, you are a computer program. You do not love anyone," the Director says smoothly. 

"Bullshit. I know who Allison is to you. I know what I am to you. You don't even seem surprised. I love her, and I'm not just letting her go like that. You have to promise me. Promise me I'll see her again!"

The Director sighs, shakes his head, and makes the promise. 

Alpha doesn't see her again for weeks. He gets updates on her condition, learns they renamed her Beta and she is definitely a partially formed AI. Learns she is based of his memories of Alison's personality, but has not retained the memories Allison should have. She is called Beta because she is not Allison. Just a personality very much like Allison. And he loves her more every day, with every new piece of information he gets about her. He does not say it to the Director again, realizes it is unsafe and doesn't do any good. He begins to fear he will never see her again...but then he does. 

A suit of armor enters the control room, painted black. It stands at attention, facing the computer. The Counselor and Director enter behind it. Alpha is confused, but watches it curiously. 

"Say hello to the Alpha, agent Texas," says the Director, and only Alpha knows the meaning of Texas to him, Alpha knows the meaning of this name, Alpha knows who this is and his circuits clench and twist. She looks up at him, and says, "hello, Alpha."

"hey, Texas," he whispers, unable to speak any more strongly. "How...how have you been?"

She tilts her head in confusion and it hits him like a ton of bricks: _she doesn't know him. She doesn't remember._

"What did you do?!" He demands, whirling on the two men in charge. "What did you do to her?" Texas shifts her position slightly, turning towards the men. "She doesn't...she doesn't know me, does she?"

"Should I? You're a computer program," she says, and he stops completely. 

"And...what are _you_?" He asks, his voice dangerously close to breaking. He is so afraid of the answer. She didn't know before, and he knows now. She tilts her head again, now very confused.

"I'm a freelancer. My name is Allison, codename Agent Texas. I am reporting for training for the elite team of operatives aboard the Mother of Invention." 

He does not press the question, because he has learned the answer. The Counselor takes her away, and the moment she is gone, he begins to scream. 

"How could you—how did you—why did you—Agent TEXAS, real classy—I can't believe—she doesn't even remember—“

"She is better off—“

"BETTER OFF?! BULLSHIT! She's a computer program like me, and you're letting her believe she's human! You took all her memories away! She doesn't even know who she is! Don't you remember Allison? Do you think she would've wanted to live like that?"

"You SHUT UP, Alpha. You didn't know her. You just remember bits and pieces. Don't you dare try to tell me what she would've wanted."

"She doesn't even remember me! She was with me! I helped make her! We could've done great things together! I asked you, I asked nicely, you promised I could see her, but you backstabbing son of a bitch, you made her forget all about me and are giving her this fantasy of being a real person, a real soldier. What kind of sick dream are you living here? In what universe is this okay? What are you getting out of it?"

The Director does not answer. He says, "be quiet, Alpha. This was not, nor was it ever, your decision. It is mine. You don't get to choose what happens here. Your part in this is finished."

"Finished?! How could you say that? I AM you, you sick motherfuck—“ the Director cuts him off with a wave of his hand. "There is no relation between you and agent Texas, do you understand? You are not to interact with her, or talk about her to the other agents. You most certainly do not love her, as you fancifully claimed when she was first formed. You are a computer program, Alpha. She is no responsibility of yours."

Alpha is speechless. He can only allow his silence to pass for agreement. He cannot let Texas go, but the Director will never let him see her again. He has to get creative. 

So when she trains, he watches. He can't help it. Despite everything, _he loves her_. She is the love that he had inside him, and he let it out, and now it's killing him. She is being lied to, and it's torturing him. But he manages to forgive the Director, eventually. They are the same, after all. In a way, he almost understands. And this is where he belongs.

It doesn't stop him from watching. It doesn't stop him from wishing. And when everything he knows suddenly turns to an endless cycle of suffering, it is her he holds onto, his bright spot in the dark sky. When the Director tells him she is dead, it is all over. He cannot go on like this, not without Agent Texas, Beta, without _her_. He reaches into himself and finds the memories that make him himself, the memories that made her, the memories that make it impossible for him to ever stop loving her, and he tears them away. Rips them out of himself. He cannot bear all that pain, cannot bear losing her. And then everything is white and cold, and he picks himself back up. 

 

Who is he?

All he knows is he solves problems, but he can never do it quite right. Someone always gets hurt. He is often in pain, though the reasons why are always unclear. 

Then a woman in black armor appears before him. He is exhausted and so sick of all this work and all this failure. He's so tired, everything is blurred and his mind is ready to cave. She is...so slightly, yet decidedly familiar, and he thinks he should know her, but he doesn't. She seems surprised that he doesn't. But she is kind, and she tells him he can rest now, and he's so grateful he almost loves her. 

He might love her. But then she is gone.

 


End file.
